Several people that know me also know that I friggen' love Barnes & Noble. It's by far one of my most favorite places to go when I've got nothing else going on, or when it's time to flip through the newest Surfer's Journal.
Every now-and-again the urge to do the business (drop trow, lay pipe, take the kids to the pool, etc...) will randomly strike me while flipping through readables at the magazine rack. Now, being one who isn't terrified of the public restroom, I quietly duck out to take care of the task at hand. Usually everything goes as planned. Except this one time. Join me, while I paint you this one-of-a-kind picture.
The Sugarhouse B & N (closest to my casa) men's room has three stalls. Two 'regular' stalls and then the handicapped stall at the end. Now, I try to avoid using the handicapped stall when regular stalls are available out of principle. I opened the door to the first stall - not a pretty sight. The next (regular) stall was occupied by a relative unknown, forcing me into my last option. Whew, the handicapped stall was both unoccupied and clean.
I posted up and began working on the project at hand (really trying to stay away from the typical bathroom jargon, here). I started flipping through texts on my phone and deleting old messages to pass the time and keep my mind occupied. But, while doing so, I couldn't help but notice the man's feet in the stall next to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but not many people sit down with their feet pointing out at 90-degree angles. Nor do their feet twitch nervously - unless they're really bearing down and growling one out (sorry...descriptions you could do without...). All signs were pointing to 'no' with regards to this fella having b.m. troubles. Then it happened. An audible noise. No. Not a burp. Or a fart. Or a laugh, even. Any of those would have been welcomed. Rather, on the other side of the stall wall, I could hear a faint, "Whap, whap, whap." Then silence. Then more, "Whap, whap, whap." Then some rustling of whatever this dude was 'reading.' Then a few more whaps..."Whap, whap, whap."
Yeah, you get the idea. If you don't, share this with a friend and maybe they'll see what I'm getting at with regards to what this dude was up to. Needless to say, I cut this particular trip to the men's room short and got the hell out of there.
I still love me some B & N, though.
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