Razor Burn

In these 27 years I've woken up to some shit. I'm sure you have, too. Room mate having puked all over your bookshelf in college? Check. Room mate puking on the wall/floor while he sleeps. Check. All the furniture in your house turned upside down? Check. Front window in your house smashed through? Check. Car broken into? Check. Eggs smashed all over your car? Check. My Dad rapping on my second story bedroom window when he locked himself out late one night after returning from a biz trip. Yeah, Check. The neighbors next door having gratuitously loud sex? ....Check.

This morning, however, I woke up to this:

Shaving cream. And the shit smelled like mint, too. So, to whomever decided the stubble on my Element was a little too rough, you missed a few spots.

After you tagged my car I hope you passed out in a gutter somewhere, waking up this morning to a few teeth gone missing from falling flat on your face in life and wishing you had something better to live for than defacing people's property.

Hey Subaru - You Done F#%&@D Another Car Up

My first blog post was back in October of 2007 - when Subaru gave the Impreza hatchback an unnecessary facelift. Look at that thing. Makes you wanna puke, doesn't it?

Well, as we all know (or at least those that know...know..), Subaru re-upped the Forrester and turned it into a BMW X3-wannabe. I'm not even going to post a picture because I can't stand how terrible the new Forrester looks. Look it up on your own if you really want to see one, or maybe check your neighbor's driveway. Here, this is the old-style (at it's peak):

Badass, right? Well, the new one is the exact opposite of the old style.

It doesn't end here, folks. The boys at Subaru are at it again and they've done ruined another, formerly, great looking automobile, the Subaru Outback. Like the new Forrester, I refuse to post any pictures of the 2010 Outback. It's hideous. It makes me want to crawl back into the womb. It's a terrible sign of things to come. Along with my '92 Loyale blowing up (see a few posts below), I'm officially disenchanted with Subaru as a whole and am shopping another Japanese car brand to turn my current two-wheel situation (bike) into a four-wheel situation (car). Tina, babe, I still like your Impreza....

Oh, and if you want to puke, check out the new Outback here: PUKE

This One Bit the Dust

My 1992 Subaru Loyale has officially bit the dust. The timing belt has gone and I'm throwing in the towel. It'll cost more for me to fix than I want to pay forward, so I've posted this link on craig's page. Pay it a visit. Laugh. Cry. Make me an offer on my non-operable car. It was great transportation, especially in the winter.

Lost on Mt. Olympus? Fk That - Let's Go for a Rally-Ride!

I have to be honest, this post was going to be about a group of "special" hikers who got lost on Mt. Olympus right outside of Salt Lake earlier today (read - are you fking kidding me????). Well, if you want to know a little more about their embarrassing fiasco, go toKSL.com, probably Salt Lake's premier online news source. If you live in Salt Lake and know Mt. Olympus, you know how ridiculous it is that these people got "lost" and had to call for "rescue."

Now, regarding what this post is really about. One of the guys from the British motorhead show, Top Gear got to sit in on a whirlwind rally-ride with bad-ass rally-racer Ken Block. Go get some tissues for the cleanup, this gets messy:


Ugh. Are your pants wet yet? If not, head over the face-tube and look this guy up...

Oh yea, and since this blog is great and I'm too lazy to figure out how to fit a wide-screen vid on here, you can view this clip in all it's glory on face-tube.

Who Dat Soulja Boy...

Shut up. What a stupid song. I just randomly found out that my old car turned over 100,000 miles on it's spedomoter. I'll have to live vicariously through my younger brother, Brian, who was most likely driving the car when it rolled over the 100K mark.


I bought this car when I was 19. It was right after my freshman year of college and I thought I was going to be transferring to a school back east. Little did I know that I'd be heading back out to Utah to finish school six months later, with a two-wheel drive car. Great. I've since wised up. My madre now has this little gem and I'm proud to say it serves her well as her daily grocery-getter. Besides, my mom looks way hotter in this car than she did in her old Explorer. Yes, my mom is hot and no you cannot hit on her. She's happily married.

But damn do I miss driving this thing....


Yes, "randomly" there was a car somewhat identical parked right behind mine when this picture was taken many years ago....

American Auto Industry Bail Out

The sad fact is it's not even a bail out. It's a bridge loan. Which is an even higher-risk loan, with a higher interest rate than typical money loans. And all this business about lobbyists, it's so true it's sad. I guess they're trying to save jobs, which is a good thing. And why should I be bothered by the fact that I'll lose value in the cost of my Subaru? I paid $800.00 for it - $600.00 of which was comprised of my economic stimulus check. So really, the car only cost me $200....

Stimulus Check = Push-Button 4WD

Ok. It's official. I'm horrible at updating this blog. I love reading other people's blogs, yet loathe putting new material up on mine. It's not that my life is disinteresting, I just never feel like sitting down at a computer and typing about myself. I guess this is why I've never been able to keep a solid journal over the years, either.

Well, here it is. My 1992 Subaru Loyale, which has been affectionately deemed (through suggestion of a very good friend), The Lieutenant. It's got 124,000 miles and I paid less than $1000 for the guy.


Pretty sexy, right? The LT has a 5-speed manual transmission with a push-button 4WD on the stick shift. And look at that white paint....sooooo gooood! That's the LT.

ed - 11/19/08: Oh yeah, behold - the mighty push-button!!

Subaru-a-Boo-Ba-Ru

It seems like every car company out there has a good thing going at one time or another - they have their eggs in a bunch of different baskets and their cars look great. Let's take Subaru, for example. Their 1987 GL Wagon is a timeless classic - those that know this are very well aware of the weight those words bear. Outback wagons in general have always had a decent, clean yet crisp look and feel to them.

Then in the early 90's when Subaru introduced to us the Outback Sport, our stomaches churned a little in the uneasy direction. The car looked more like a bubble waiting to be popped than it did an all-wheel-drive, gas-efficient mini-wagon. A couple years ago Subaru took the Outback Sport back to the drawing board and came out with something I think all of our paletts enjoyed. The car was good looking, had awesome looking head lamps, had a decent shape that said, "drive me" and left you with an overall impression of "man, I want one of those," if you didn't already have one.

Don't get me wrong. A Subaru will always and forever be on my wishlist. But I have to ask the people at Subaru what they were thinking when they let this design make it off the production line and skid into driveway's across America:

I have to ask, WTF, guys at Subaru? WTF??!! This has got to be the ugliest, most unoriginal design I have seen for a car yet. I was driving around town this afternoon and saw a blue guy just like it. I thought, hmmmm, maybe a Kia?? Hell no sirs and madams. It was a brand-spankin' new Subaru Outback Sport. Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee) would have pooped his pants if he saw this car.

If this is a testament of what is to come from Subaru, I am truly afraid. I don't like how this car looks, end of story. I'd rather be stuck driving a Toyota FJ cruiser, or better yet, a Camry wagon; do they even make those anymore? Hopefully this is just an in-between design and the guys at Subaru are cooking up something great that's going to make everyone that buys one of these 2008 Outback Sports look like a fool. Congratulations guys, this is the worst-looking hatchback I've seen yet.